Living in Fear

I love reading a good book. When I am reading a good book, the book takes me to places I have never been. I get all caught up in the lives of the characters, and I get a little depressed when I finished the story. It almost feels like the end of a relationship sometimes. I just finished this book called Mrs. Big by Maryann Reid. It is a story about the women who go after professional athletes and what happens to one particular woman who is so stuck on the material things that she loses herself in the process. I love a good book with a message that makes me think about my life. While my life is nothing like the lives of the rich and famous in this book. I could relate to one on going theme of the book. The book was about fear. As I read the book and as the book came to it's climax I realized that I have been living in fear much like the characters in the book, and the things that I fear the most are the always the things that seem to come to pass in my life. The main character in the book, Loletta, visits a psychic and the woman told her that she was creating the turbulence in her life through her fears. That struck a cord with me, because the things I have feared the most have manifested themselves in my life. It saddens me to think that I did these things to myself and I am still doing it myself everyday. I had to take a long look at myself, ask myself why are you afraid and say "There is nothing to fear but fear itself." I never quite understood that statement until now. I mean why keep fearing tomorrow, Tomorrow isn't even promised to you. Why should you live in fear? I need to be Thankful for all that I have been blessed with, wash all my fears away and move on with my life. I need to stop waiting for the bad things to happen, stop creating negative things in my life.I didn't realize when I live in fear I tie Gods hands and I know that God has a plan for me. I will no longer speak fear in my life. So tonight I speak against the things that I am afraid of such as: failure, lack of finances, and being alone. In my life there is success, an abundance in my finances and no more loneliness, this is God's plan for me. Now I know why I love teaching, because you can learn some very important things from a book.

Revealing the Truth

Dr. Phil once said, "If someone tells you who they are you should believe them." A lot of the times people tell you who they are by actions and not by words. For example if someone hangs out at clubs every night, drinks, use drugs and has unprotected sex then you would probably consider that person reckless. If someone reads their bible, prays to God, donates their time to charitable organizations,and is always willing to give a helping hand you would consider that person to be someone of integrity. Finally, if a person steals, tell lies, and is constantly in trouble with the law you would consider that person dishonest. Why do we always want to ignore the truth when it has been revealed to us? Do we want to believe that some how they are different, we can change them or if they are with us long enough things will get better? Recently, someone whom I loved revealed themselves to me. They showed me exactly who they were I didn't like what I saw. Now I must admit there have been little clues here and there but me being the forgiving person that I am tried to overlook the behavior, I didn't want to accept they were the person they showed me. Now I am at the end of my rope and I'm tired, but I am happy that I now know who I am dealing with and I can adjust myself accordingly. Sometimes revealing the truth hurts but the pain always goes away with proper medication and attention. I'm aching a little and writing this blog was a small dose of medication. The pain will get better.

Silent Protest

I think I am going to have a silent protest against Reality Shows, especially those in which people call in to vote. These shows are merely popularity contest. Whenever I watch these shows I always notice that the person with the most talent very rarely wins. It's always the person who is the most popular. The person who can get the most people to call in which is just wrong. I am venting because on Dancing with the Stars Lil' Kim got kick off but that Rodeo Cowboy danced for another week. Then, last night Gilles Marini lost to Shawn Johnson. How could anyone choose the gymnast over Mr. Sex in the City? Please has anyone looked at Dancing with the Stars Ever? My second protest is over the length of time it takes to announce the winner. Last week I watched the finale of The Biggest Loser, it took 3 hours to announce the winner, which was ridiculous. They would bring a person out for a short interview, they would show a clip of that person's weight loss history, then they would send the person to the back to put on their Biggest Loser workout clothes, then just before they step on the scale they show another clip of their weight loss history. If that wasn't enough to waste time I don't know what was plus they had a commercial break after every contestant. I had plan to write them a worded letter about their process. The America's Next Top Model's finale happened in one hour. They did a photo shoot, a commercial, they walked on the catwalk in fashion show and they showed the contestants clips in one hour. That's what I'm talking about, this 2-3 hours for a finale is ridiculous so I am protesting in silence against them all. Maybe I watch to much TV. I think I'm going to read a book.

Can you believe this?

I was watching the news last night, and the big news was that President Obama was the Keynote speaker at the University of Notre Dame's Graduation Commencement. I couldn't believe there were protesters at the this event because of President Obama's views on abortion and stem cell research. Personally, I think abortion is a personal matter and shouldn't even be a debatable issue. I believe that it is the woman's right to choose what she wants to do with her body. I wouldn't have an abortion myself but I will not condemn a person who has one because it is between that person and God. Those are my thoughts on the issue. I just couldn't believe those protesters went to that graduation and tried to ruin the event for those students who had worked so hard to get there. I remember when I graduated from Winston-Salem State University. I felt like I was on top of the world. I thought it was very selfish of the protesters to put their own personal agenda before those students who worked so hard and their families who wanted to proudly see them receive their diploma. They didn't deserve to have their day ruined and to have all that negative press. I'm all about fighting for what you believe in but don't do at the expense of the innocent.

Oprah Said

Oprah said that she loves to help make some one's dreams come true. What does it mean to have a dream? How do you go about making your dreams come true? My dream has always been to write the "Great American Novel." I mean I am always amazed at how people put words on paper, and make them flow so smoothly to create a story that interest people. I mean I have the ability to tell a story with words. I can tell funny interesting stories. However, when I try to put my words on paper I can't seem to make them flow like I would like. Write what you know is what good writers always say. Sometimes I don't know what I know. Sometimes I wonder if someone would want to read my words. Then I begin to wonder if I should be writing to please others or myself. I think I should write for me and not for others. When you try to make others happy then you lose a part of yourself. I have spent what seems to be a lifetime trying to please those around me. Stepping back and letting those around me shine while I stood quietly in the background smiling. I don't want to be a watcher anymore I want to be a doer. I plan on writing for me and not for others. It is time for my dreams to come true.

Sometimes I just don't get it.

I was recently asked a question by someone in my life which really sent my reeling. The question was a personal question, then after the person asked me the question they did everything they could to retract it. That old song by Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes always come to mind,

If you don't know me by now.

After dealing with a person for a number of years I think you should know what their reaction is to questions. You should expect a verbal beat down especially when asking questions that are judging a person's character.

You know I pride myself on being a honest, moral, and loving person. I try to live right and I believe in God. I mean once you put the question out there don't try to take it back. Stand behind your question, but also be willing to accept the outrageous response I will give you for asking such a silly, ridiculous question in the first place. Hey don't you know me by now.

Disclaimer

I have kept a diary/journal all of my life. In fact, I have a journal that I am writing in currently. I like to write my thoughts, my feelings and about the things that are a blessing to me. So writing a blog is right down my alley. I love to write. It just gives me a chance to reflect on how I see the world. Now on occasion I might mention a conversation that made me think or discuss something that I just couldn't get off my mind. I will write about what's going on in the world if something touches my heart or hits close to home. I will write about my friends and family because they are the closest things to me. One of the first rules of writing is write what you know. Now, if your name or a situation that you were in comes up in one of my blogs don't get angry or upset because I am just reflecting. I am writing about how you or that situation made me think. I am writing about what I would do or should do if I were in that situation. It's really not about you. It's all about me. This doesn't mean you can't talk to me because you I might write about it. You can talk to me and yeah, I'm probably going to write about it, especially, if it makes me want to reflect about my own life. It is not my intent to hurt your feelings, make you feel bad or to even gossip about you. Once again it is all about me and how I see the world.

Now if you are reading this and you still think she must be talking about me all I have to say is this "You're so vain I bet you think this song is about you, don't you, don't you? So please don't take it personally, cause I'm up here just to have a good time.

Maybe there is a reason

Recently a friend describe a date she went on with her new guy which was totally out of character for her. I was confused as to why she would do something she hated just to please the new guy. Then it hit me, this is probably why I don't have or will keep a man because I just can't for the life of me do something that I don't like to do. I was watching The Oprah Winfrey Show recently and Steve Harvey was on promoting his new book. A woman asked him a question as to why a guy didn't call her back after they had what she thought was a great day. During the the date the guy ran into the ocean with his clothes on and the girl didn't. Steve said something that was so simple that I couldn't even believe it. Maybe he wanted a girl who would jump in the ocean with her clothes on. I mean that was genius. All these years when I refuse to go camping, fishing or sit in the hot sun; the guy was looking for someone to do all those things. I am wondering if I need to revamp my whole system. Maybe I could sleep in a tent for the guy or maybe I could spend an afternoon in the park in the middle of August or maybe I could sit in a boat or on a pier and pretend that I loved to fish right along with him. Maybe not, but maybe that's the reason I'm still by myself.

A Mad, Mad World.

You'll I can't believe that Cesar Laurean is coming back to town finally. I know I said it like it was a friendly visit from a friend. I'm just happy that the Mexican courts decided to allow him to be extradited back to this country. I think about this crazy man, who killed a woman, burned her and then buried her in his back yard. What would drive someone to such desperation? The thought of fathering a child by a woman who wasn't his wife made him kill that poor woman. I don't think so, personally I think we need to look to the wife as well. I hope he gets a sentence that is befitting the crime. I hope he doesn't get a slap on the wrist or weaseled out of a tough sentence because of some loop hole.
The world has gone crazy. There are so many things going on. Every day something more bazaar than the day before. Sunday school teachers killing little girls, pirates on the sea, people getting angry, shooting up nursing homes and killing police. It's a scary place. All I can say is pray, everyone needs to pray.

What's Love got to do with it?

After spending Easter Sunday with my friend Cindy, her parents and her "boyfriend," I have begun to wonder if I have ever been loved by a man. Sure, I have had men who have said they loved me, but I really don't think they did. They told me they loved me so that they could get in my pants. I don't think I have ever been looked at with eyes of love. No this isn't envy talking it is just me noticing something about my life. How this be? What could have transpired in my life that I would never experienced that feeling? Yes, I have loved. I have been head over heels in love, more times than I care to count. The older I get, the more I desire being loved. Is this wrong? All my life I have heard there is someone out there for you, it is a part of God's plan. I feel that he is there. Is he someone I've known for a while or some new? Is he the man who is currently saying he loves me? I guess we will see.

My View

This blog is just a look at the world through my eyes. Why should anyone be interested in how I view the world. Who am I and what do I have to say. Well, I am a little opinionated at times. I have all of these thoughts that are going through my mind about what is happening in the world around us. I just decided to share my views. So stay tuned, because it is time for me to shine.